Are we failing our children?

 

Is the British education system failing to teach the basic skills to become a strong and successful human being?

I'm a mother of a year 11 student who was taken to the hospital on Friday evening by ambulance due to facial paralysis.

Fortunately, the most concerning factors were discounted (i.e. stroke, diabetes, virus infection), but during conversation with the paramedics and later with myself, my daughter expressed her emotional status about the school and her exams, which was very hard to hear.

For a 15-year old brilliant girl get to the point where her stress manifested itself on her face, turning all her pain visible, it's devastating. 

She explained that in her school, students are constantly given mixed messages from teachers and senior leaders, which makes it very difficult to trust the school will rate the students fairly. Also, the culture of fear is heavily applied by the school. Fear of failing and what it will mean for their future.

The concept that they must achieve their best at all cost has been painfully engraved in their brains. “Your projected grade is 8, but I’d love to give you a 9. I’m sure you can do it”. There is a difference between motivation and unnecessary psychological game.

GCSE’s are important, I have no doubts, but creating a culture of fear of failure since year 9 is an exaggeration. 

And then, it is up to us parents to calm them down and explain the real world.

They will fail sometimes and it is OK. They are not perfect and it’s OK. What people say (even teachers) are not as important as what they know about themselves, but again, what is the level of self-confidence of a 15-year old child that is not affected by what others say about them? 

Most of the students at this stage are facing high levels of responsibilities and stress for the first time. Creating panic and then offering help after the damage is done is not how any school should operate. 

Emotional intelligence should be taught at school as opposed to play with their almost inexistent self-esteem. Our jobs as tutors is to create a safe environment where they feel protected and supported. I don’t think this is how they feel about the school.

My daughter couldn’t stop worrying about her exams in May at the point of a breakdown. Even at the hospital she kept saying “mum, I must go to school next week, I have photography work to do”!

After being told that although her  condition  (Bell’s Palsy) is temporary, her smile won’t be the same maybe for weeks, she will need to wear eye pad because her right eye won’t blink on its own and she might drool every time she has a drink or brush her teeth for a while, her first thoughts were about her grades and the teachers. 

My daughter is committed to her responsibilities as she should be, but this is not the only reason she was worried about homework. 

I told her the school would understand, and she replied:

 “You don’t know my school”. 

It is really frustrating that she doesn’t trust the people who should be caring about her future as a human being more than the grades that ultimately will make the school look good.